You Win Some and You Lose Some

Dear Readers,

I hope that you are all having a lovely day. I had a pretty intense conversation with my middle daughter this weekend. She told me that a girl in her class told her that she (Esha) would be much prettier if she was White. I was a bit taken aback and had to take a minute to process. Before I could ask her how she felt, she followed with: “But, I wasn’t upset about it because I know she is wrong, I am beautiful just the way I am.” Wow, this kid. But, she then said, “but I used to think that she was right, especially when I was only one of two girls with darker skin in my class. But I don’t feel that way now.” We did some more reflecting and realized that with the move to her new school, which is a bit more diverse than her old (also really wonderful) school, she had a pretty big shift in perspective. And that gave her the confidence to feel much more comfortable in her own skin.

I was really proud of her insight and her courage. But, this situation did also show me how this bias can be so insidious. It reminded me that I need to continue to always build up my girls – and not only because they are brown. I believe that as mothers with daughters, we are always combatting someone judging them based on their looks – whether that is skin color, height, the fact that they wear glasses, the clothes that they wear, etc. Adiche, a Nigerian writer, has a beautiful way of thinking about this issue – the Danger of the Single Story. She did a TED talk on this that I think is really wonderful – we watched it as a family some time ago. It is about what happens when complex human beings and situations are reduced to a single narrative. I think that this is a perspective that we need to continue to encourage in our children: they are not “just” brown or girls or short or a million other things, they are full, multi-dimensional human beings. And I hope from this, they will continue to always build on their confidence and self-worth.

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Watch the TED talk here if you are interested: https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story

So, overall, I think that conversation was a “win” for Esha.

The “lose” that I am referring to, is the attempt at making Caramel Tapioca Pudding. I will share some of the beautiful pics below – but will spare you the recipe, since it did not taste anywhere near as good as it looked. And, my husband said that it looked like poo in the pics. Stay tuned for another “real dessert” recipe – the girls have been complaining that there is only “real food” on here!

 

Love to you all,

Pooja

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5 thoughts on “You Win Some and You Lose Some

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